


Sometimes It's Ok to Suffer

by Starshearted (cthulhucorp)



Series: That one Asura Redemption AU [1]
Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, But also, Gen, Redemption AU, Sibling Bonding, WHAT IS WITH ALL THESE BROTHERLY TAGS, this is a very sappy little ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-06 23:59:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10347591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cthulhucorp/pseuds/Starshearted





	

He was not deserving of anything relating to, or even close to, a redemption. Death and destruction had followed wherever he went; He had thrown the world into madness and chaos. And yet, in mere minutes, Death the Kidd had managed to bring it to an almost peaceful close.

 

One Asura didn't deserve, and never would.

 

Being undeserving of redemption was not the grandest of things he didn't deserve, though; He didn't deserve a room in the manor. Didn't deserve to be accepted into his younger brother's friend group, accepted by Marie, who offered to teach him to control himself. What had he done to deserve the kindness that had been offered to him?

 

Nothing. He had done nothing. And though, he knew, that he was beyond grateful for what Kidd had given him-

 

Asura was consumed by his own depression. A madness unlike the fear he had felt before; It weighed heavily on his chest and eyelids. Both kept him awake and forced him to sleep, feelings of uselessness and being a bother rising and consuming most waking moments. Asura had never slept for more than an hour at a time prior to being shoved in a bag of his own skin. And now he sleep, most days, for nearly 12 hours, craving the embrace of rest when he finally did awaken.

 

Meals were scarce; That was to be expected. That was unchanged.

 

Kidd still worried.

 

“Asura,” he piped up one evening, watching the tired man as he stopped his journey down the hall, turning to face the younger of the two brothers.

 

“Yes?”

 

Kidd swallowed, coming close and looking sternly up at the kishin. “You've been acting stranger than usual. What's on your mind?”

 

“A lot of things are on my mind. Be more specific.”

 

“Be less sarcastic- I mean..” Kidd sighed, rubbing his forehead. “What's... wrong? Why are you so... upset? Distant?”

 

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

 

“You're clearly unhappy.”

 

“I'm doing absolutely fine.”

 

“Is it because you can't be as chaotic as you were before? Is that what is it?”

 

Asura snaps at that, red eyes narrowing. Pale, trembley fingers reached up, yanking the scarf up and over his mouth. “Yeah,” he seethed, “Sure.”

 

Kidd frowned, eyebrows furrowing, “Asura-”

 

“ _What_.”

 

“You need to tell me whats wrong.”

 

“Nothing is WRONG!” the elder snapped, face growing red.

 

“Yes, there is!”

 

“No, there's not!”

 

“Yes, there is! I know there is!”

 

“You don't KNOW anything!”

 

“Asura, please!” Kidd huffed, arms tight at his side as he glared up at his elder brother. “I'm trying my best here! I'm trying to make life okay for you, if you are unhappy then please, tell me what I'm doing wrong! What do you want me to do?! What more can I do?!”

 

“You can't do what I need you to do,” the kishin's voice dropped from it's high-pitched, angered snapping, to something low and calm. He turned around.

 

“How do you know for sure? There's plenty of things I can do!”

 

Asura paused. Red gaze shifted to stare at the ground. “You can't make it as though none of this happened,” he stated, calmly. “You can't just make everyone pretend I didn't destroy the world. You can't put back together every part of my mess without missing a few pieces.”

 

“But I'm trying!”

 

“That's not the point! The point is that you CAN'T do it! You CAN'T make everyone forget what I did! You CAN'T make me forget what I've done! You CAN'T erase the past! You CAN'T stop people from hating me! You CAN'T stop our father from being dead and by extention of that you CAN'T stop him from having HATED me for as long as i've existed!”

 

Kid cringes. Asura realizes his mistake- A wound has been reoppened that had not even yet healed, merely stitched back together by work and words.

 

“You're right,” Kidd muttered, crossing his arms. “I can't do any of that. And I can't...” his voice cracked, golden gaze turning to the side. “.. I can't bring father back. Even if I could, I don't... I don't think I could make him love you the way he loves me.” The young reaper stepped forward, reaching out and lightly placing a hand on the kishin's back. “I know that... people are still going to hate you. People are going to hate me too- That's a given. And I know that.. you weren't a good person. But you were.. insane, and scared, and angry, and sad. I know I can't take all of that back,” Kidd took once last step, resting his forehead against his brother's back. “I can't erase the past. What's done is done. But the past... doesn't define you. Not anymore.”

 

“It still hurts.”

 

“It hurts me too. But that's just... how things work, Asura. I'm trying as hard as I can to make things better. Doesn't that count for something?”

 

Asura remained silent for a long moment; Long enough for Kidd to withdraw himself, stepping backwards. “I'm sorry I can't do the things that you need me to do.” With that he turned, taking a step to walk away- Only to be interrupted as long arms wrapped around him, Asura burying his face in the younger one's hair.

 

“I love you, brother.”

 

“I love you as well, Asura.”

 


End file.
